


Mission Kitten in the Bag

by PlaPla



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Friendship, Gen, but like lowkey crack, fake akuma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 06:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28466985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlaPla/pseuds/PlaPla
Summary: Adrien gets rescued from a boring photoshoot by the power of friendship, over-planning and costume work.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Nino Lahiffe &Kagami Tsurugi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 36





	Mission Kitten in the Bag

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EnberLight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnberLight/gifts).



> (Sliiiightly late) secret santa gift from the APS gift exchange. Enber said they wanted to see Adrien get rescued by his friends via kidnapping and well, here we are. I saw the idea, fell hopelessly in love, took it an ran.  
> I hope you like what I made of your prompt!

“Great, now try pulling one leg up.”

Adrien sighed as he repositioned himself on the park bench to get a better angle for the camera. Was there anything more boring than photo shoots?

He risked a quick glance at Nathalie, hoping she and her trusty schedule would finally ransom him for today. But she just kept watching the photographer, her left eyebrow sauntering ever so slowly upwards with each spaghetti metaphor. Adrien stifled yet another yawn.

He was just beginning to seriously consider the option of sliding off the bench and lying face down in the dirt, when there was a loud crash. The photographer almost dropped his camera at the following scream. Adrien jumped to his feet. The afternoon had just become a lot less boring.

“Looks like there’s an akuma, I’ll go hide and make sure I’m nice and safeokbye,” he yelled over the arising commotion as he sprinted past a stoic Nathalie. Purple smoke was beginning to fill the air. Within a matter of seconds Adrien was past the gate of the park and ducked away into a narrow alleyway.

“Change of schedule, Plagg” his right hand balled into a fist as he peeked over the trash cans he’d taken cover behind, “Let’s go, claws ou-”

“There you are.”

The paw that slammed down on the trash can before him was gigantic, with long green and purple fur and broad black claws that missed is head by centimetres. It was attached to a creature that matched in size, towering far over him in his crouching position. Its eyes weren’t distinguishable under all the hair, a lack it seemed to compensate by having far too many, far too pointy teeth. Simply put, it looked like something straight out of the nightmare of a six year old. Its voice however…

“N- Nino?”

“Wha- oh shit I forgot.” The creature lifted its paw of the trash cans, the metal groaning in relief. And then, in front of Adrien’s eyes the monster stepped back, reached up to its nose and – _flipped back_ its head. “Hi, dude.”

Adrien blinked up at where his best friend’s reddened face had appeared between rows and rows of teeth. “Okay. What the heck.”

“Way to give a warm welcome.”

“You almost clobbered me!”

“Well, it’s hard to see in this thing, there’s teeth everywhere.”

“What are you _doing_ here?”

“Well, we’re rescuing you of course,” a second, muffled voice chimed in. “We should go. The smoke is only going to distract them for so long.”

“ _Kagami_?” Adrien screeched, not feeling like he would be able to go anywhere right now, except maybe to the floor to collect his jaw. He stared at the belly of the creature in front of him. “How is it two of you in there?”

“Seriously, man, you don’t even wanna know,” Nino grabbed him by the shoulder. “Come on, she’s right, we gotta scram.”

“Who of you is manning the legs?”Adrien panted as he was dragged deeper the alley at suprising speed, considering how heavy that mountain of fake fur alone had to be.

“Kagami’s doing most of the leg work.” Nino sounded distract, coming to a halt in front of what looked like a garbage container.

“ _Most_ of the leg work?”

“Nino’s better at doing the tail than me.” The suit – Adrien wasn’t even sure who was doing it at this point – leaned against the side of container, pushing it aside slowly. “I have a tendency to knock things over.”

“We could use a hand, man,” Nino said from above.

“Wh- Sure.” Adrien allowed himself to indulge in another second of utter bewilderment at the whole situation before rolling up his sleeves and pressing his shoulder against the container as well. It smelled like garbage too.

Slowly, and with a lot of sweating and straining on their part the thing finally started to move, revealing a narrow back door behind it.

“I still don’t think this would have been necessary,” Nino huffed, face flushed between the lower teeth of the costume.

“Take that up with upstairs,” Kagami said, her voice calm as ever. “Do the knock.”

The giant paw came up again, performing a quick complicated sequence of rhythms against the stained wood. Instantly the door opened, a pale face pushing through the crack.

“There you are!” Mylene groaned. She opened the door fully and stepped out into the alley, followed by Kim and Ivan. “We were staring to get worried.”

Adrien found himself gaping yet again. “Hold – You guys are here too? How – ”

“No time for pleasantries,” Nino, who was towering even over Kim in the costume, threw a glance over his shoulder, “smoke’s starting to lift.”

“Get out of here, we have you covered.”

Adrien was touched by the look of determination on Mylene’s face as she balled her fists. A “Thank you guys” was all he could manage though before someone pushed him through the opening of the door into the dark beyond.

“Don’t mention it,” Ivan was already closing the door behind them.

“Seriously, don’t!” Kim’s head appeared through the narrowing opening. “Your dad will kill us.”

And with that the door slammed shut, submerging Adrien and his still costumed friends in darkness. The scraping of metal could be heard from outside as the others pushed the container back into its original position. Adrien took a deep breath. Of all the surreal things that had happened to him, this was definitely in the top ten.

“Alright, time to get out of this thing,” Nino sounded almost relieved. “There should be a zipper on the left side, could you…”

“Of course,” shaking off his stupor, Adrien stepped forward and buried his hands in the thick, fake fur. He found the zipper with surprising ease and pulled. In front of his eyes, the suit fell in on itself, Nino and Kagami stepping out from the collapsed heap of fabric. “If you don’t mind me asking where on earth does one find -”

Kagami waved him off, her left hand flying to her ear. “Mission control wants to know our status.”

“Mission Cont-”

“Kitten’s in the bag,” Nino said, covering his own ear as he grinned at Adrien like a madman “I repeat, Kitten is in the bag.”

“You guys have _earpieces?_ ”

“Of course, what do you take us for? _Amateurs?”_ Kagami’s gathered their deflated costume and stuffed it into a waiting dufflebag.

“Curtsey of Max,” Nino winked at him, digging through his pant pockets, “here’s yours.”

There was a flash as he threw something small and glittery over to Adrien, who instinctively caught it. It looked more like a silver insect than anything else. With the others impatiently gesturing at their ears, he raised it up to his own, the sensation of the device nestling into place strange but not unpleasant.

Adrien held his breath. All he could hear was static.

“Max?” He asked, tapping the device and feeling just a little silly.

“Welcome aboard, Sunshine,” Max’ voice spoke, directly into his brain by the feel of it “glad to hear they got you out in one piece. You are now online.”

“Are you Mission control?”

“Oh no. I’m just responsible for tech. You can call me Cue.”

“Cue?”

“Yes, because I tell you what to do and when to do it.” He cleared his throat. “Team beta, enemy is approaching, prepare for engagement.”

“Team beta ready and in position.” Mylene’s voice cracked over the earpiece. “I can see them already- _Oh god please help, we just saw Adrien Agreste being_ kidnapped _by a_ monster _, yes they went that w-_ ”

The transmission was interuppted, as May gave another set of instructions. “Phase two initiated, all according to plan. Base-drop, Sabre, Sunshine, proceed north.”

“Gotcha,” Nino grabbed Adrien’s hand, dragging him deeper into the darkness. Kagami followed close behind, shouldering the dufflebag.

“So everybody has codenames? That’s so cool.”

“It is necessary to the mission,” Max twanged.

“The discussion was exhausting,” Kagami rolled her eyes. “Especially when you weren’t there to pick your own name.”

“I voted puppy-eyes” Nino pulled him round the next corner, “also very fitting, but sadly that didn’t make the cut.”

Kagami shrugged, readjusting the strap of her bag. “Sunshine is still cute.”

“I’m not cute!” Adrien protested. “I am just as badass as you guys.”

“Of course you are, bro. Especially when you do that little kitten-pout of yours.”

“I don’t – ” Adrien hurried to straighten his expression. “That’s –”

“Staircase, three meters ahead to the right.”

Adrien’s companions nodded at Max’ instructions, slipping around the corner like a pair of shadows. Adrien followed them into a narrow staircase,which just as dimly lit as the hall they’d come from. “Don’t let anybody see you.” Max reminded them sharply as they climbed the steep steps.

“Anybody care to tell whose house we are in right now?” Adrien whispered.

“Eh,” Nino shrugged, halting at the door that marked the top end of the stairs.

“ _Eh?”_

“Premise is secure.” Max cracked through the earpiece. “You are 337 seconds behind schedule. Meet Rainbow and The Inevitability of our Demise at rondevouspoint 4B.”

“I’m sorry we’re meeting _what?”_

“Copy.” Kagami answered, shooting a look at Adrien to quiet him as she dug through one of the bags side pockets. “Give me your jacket. And, put these on.” She produced a pair of large sunglasses, a chunky turtleneck sweater and a sun hat.

How had she kept those in there?

“Hurry.”

Adrien shrugged off his jacket, handing it to Kagami who stuffed it into her dufflebag. When he pulled it over his head the collar of the sweater came up to his nose. Nino handed him the sunglasses and hat. Adrien slipped them on, now barely able to see how Kagami and Nino gave him a quick once over before nodding at each other.

“Okay, go.”

They barged through the door into what appeared to be the enterance hall of an apartment building. Nino went straight for the elevator, pushing the call button while Kagami peered around suspiciously.

“All clear.”

She came up to Adrien’s other side so that Nino and her held him between them. The three of them stood in front of the elevator doors, waiting. Finally, after what felt like a small eternity, they could hear a rattling noise approaching. The doors slid open with a chime and they huddled inside.

“Could you hold that please?” They exchanged panicked looks. A woman had emerged from one of the apartments and was now rapidly approaching them. She was wearing a navy suit and typing furiously on her smartphone.

“Act natural,” Kagami hissed through clenched teeth, just as Adrien scratched at the itchy wool covering half of his face and Nino slammed the close-door button repeatedly.

“Thanks,” the lady said as she stepped on, eyes still on her phone. “That thing always takes forever.”

“Haha, yeah,” Nino said weakly.

“I hope you’re not heading out there seems to be an Akuma…” she trailed off as she looked up taking in Adrien’s tent of a sweater, the dufflebag roughly the size of Kagami and Nino’s strained smile all at once “… on.”

“Really? We had no idea!” If Nino smiled any wider he would probably pull a muscle.

“Yeah… Apparently they took that Agreste boy –” the woman’s eyes flickered to Adrien “funny you kind of –”

Adrien was sure that whatever silver of skin was visible between the sunglasses and hem of his sweater was white as a sheet.

“I – I’m –”

“Throckmorton!” Nino yelped. “He’s called Throckmorton.”

“Why are you wearing sunglasses, Throckmorton?”

“Because he is blind,” Kagami deadpanned. “Flashlight-accident.”

Adrien snorted and promptly earned a jab to the ribs on either side.

“He is also _mute.”_ Nino said pointedly.

“Which is why nobody came to help him quick enough to save his eyesight.”

The woman raised a brow. “And what are you doing here? I don’t remember – ”

“Oh we’re just visiting – we’re visiting our Gran. She lives here,” Nino anything but flailed his arms.

“Your _gran_ …”

“We’re cousins,” Nino said weakly.

“Cousins,” the woman repeated slowly, her gaze wandering from Nino pained grin to where the tip of Adrien’s nose poked out underneath his sunglasses. He could feel them beginning to slip down from sweat.

“Of course, see how alike they are,” Kagami said lightly. “Their mothers are twins.”

“Um –”

“Do you have something to say about that?” Kagami asked, a sudden edge to her still honey-sweet voice, like syrup dripping off a sharp knife. The woman’s eyes flickered from Adrien to Nino again.

“I – no of course not I –” she cut herself off, opening mouth as if to speak before pressing her lips together for good. When the elevator chimed Adrien could almost physically feel her relief. “It was so lovely to meet you, but this is actually my stop.” She hasted through the doors as soon as they opened. “Say hi to your grandmother.”

And then she was gone.

The doors closed again and Adrien felt as if something the weight of a car was lifted off him. To his left, Nino let out a shaky exhale.

“That was close.” Max said over the earpiece.

“A little help, next time?” Nino’s voice cracked. “I must have lost three years of my life from the stress. Imagine if Adrien had had to speak for himself, dude can’t lie to safe his life. No offence, bro.”

“None taken,” Adrien mumbled as his heart rate slowly returned to subsonic speed.

“Well, you handled it. Proceed with the plan. You should – ” Max interruped himself, his voice seemingly moving further away, as if he was speaking away form the microphone. “Already? Okay. Alright, all units. We will be engaging the Lady-Protocol now.”

Kagami stiffened. “Already? But that shrinks our time frame.”

“Mission control says we need a distraction _now_. You’ll just have to be quick.” He made a short pause. “Good luck everyone.”

The elevator chimed and they got out, climbing another flight of stairs before finally stepping out on the roof terrace. Adrien just had enough time to sigh in relief before –

“Alright, you heard Cue, we gotta move, move, move.”

Adrien almost jumped out of his skin. Apparently Rose and Juleka had been waiting right next to the door. That or they had just materialised out of thin air, right in front of him.

He didn’t have time to ponder over that tough, seeing how Rose shot towards them. The expression on her face would have put any drill Sergeant to shame. “Took you long enough! That little elevator chat of yours is putting the whole mission at risk.” She crossed her arms and, despite being only centimetres taller than Kagami and the kittens on her jacket, Adrien wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d just stomped them into the ground then and there. Nino shrunk in on himself like a tortoise wearing a cap.

“Sor-”

“I don’t have time for your whining! Sabre, your cargo stays with us. Base-drop, take your gear.” She grabbed the backpack Juleka was handing her, ripping it open to reveal several meters of rope, a slinky, two spray cans and what looked like a rubber chicken. She pushed into Nino’s hands. “And pray you won’t have to use it. Adrien,” she spun towards him and it was only his training as Chat Noir that stopped him from giving in to his flight instinct “so nice to see you. This is all so exiting isn’t it? Are you having a good time?”

Adrien blinked. “Y-yeah.” She let out a delighted giggle and despite the cold sweat collecting at the back of his sweater he felt a fond smile spreading on his face. His eyes wandered from her to Nino, who was zipping up the backpack to Juleka and Kagami who had just finished dragging the dufflebag across the roof into a corner. “I really am.”

“Aw, that’s nice.” Rose clapped her hands in excitement, before straightening again. “Alright, we’re done here, move people! Move!”

Faster than Adrien could think, his two companions had pulled him towards the low wall separating the terrace from the neighbouring roof.

“Take my hand,” Kagami said, “come on, we have to hurry.” She’d already jumped up on the wall. Adrien allowed her to help him up, pushing up his sunglasses and looking around while she pulled Nino up next. The roofs of Paris lay stretched before them, an endless scape blue planes and white chimneys.

“Alright, Sunshine,” Max said in his ear, “Mission control extrapolated a safe escape route that should bring you directly to where you need to go. Just follow my voice. Do you think you can do that?”

Adrien chuckled. He’d patrolled here so often, it felt like an extension of his room by now. Minus the claustrophobic walls, of course.

“Yes, I think I can do that.”

Mission control had taken the safe part very seriously. None of the roofs they climbed were even remotely steep or slippery and more than once Adrien was sure they’d gone out of their way to walk as much on terraces as possible. In other words, this was his Tuesday in training wheels. Still, he was glad about the added security for Nino and Kagami.

“We are making up time,” Max announced as they were climbing a row of chimneys. “You guys are quicker than anticipated. We accounted for the possibility of you having vertigo,” he added.

“It seems pulling the Lady-Protocol forward was the right call,” Kagami said, lowering herself onto the adjacent roof terrace, narrowly avoiding one of the lounge chairs that lined the long railing. “It’s good to have the distraction now rather than later.”

Adrien landed next to her with a thud, extending a hand Nino who seemed to be struggling with his backpack. “I’ve been meaning to ask. What exactly, _is_ the Lady-Protocol?”

“I think it’s easier to show you.” Nino finished dusting off his jeans and reached into his pocket, handing Adrien his phone.

“Come on, boys, we have to keep moving.” Kagami set off and Adrien followed, his eyes glued to the screen.

“The Ladyblog?”

“Check out the newest post.”

Nino leaned over and tapped on the icon, and Adrien was surprised to see it was a life stream.

“ _Alya Cesaire here, reporting live from the newest Akuma attack! Seizing beloved teen-model Adrien Agreste the attacker seems to have vanished, though several witnesses claim they saw them heading north –”_

“Pre recorded videos.” Nino beamed, taking his phone back. “We have everything, several false trails, footage of the Akuma wreaking havoc… We even got Wayhem to double for you in a few sequences!”

“Don’t worry, we were careful to leave out location markers unless we wanted them in.”

Kagami smiled and Adrien felt his stomach flutter. “Wow you’re – You’re really faking an entire akuma attack for me.”

“Of course, you’re our friend.” Nino was the first to reach the end of the terrace. “Where to now, Max?”

“Fire-escape, to your left.”

Adrien quietly had to applaud Mission Control for their knowledge of the surroundings. Even he’d forgotten about this one.

“Are you coming?”

Adrien shook his head and hasted after his friends, who were already climbing down the rusty ladder to the gangway below. He held onto his hat as he gripped the first rung. Of all the disguises he’d climbed roofs with… If only Ladybug could see him now. _Ladybug –_

“ _Hold on –”_ He almost slipped off the ladder. “If you’re faking an Akuma attack, how do you know Ladybug won’t show up?”

Adrien felt his stomach drop along with his feet as he jumped down the remaining step. His Lady took her job very seriously, if she found out that this was all a ruse –

“Oh, there is no need worry about that.”

“Why? What did you –” Adrien’s eyes darted from Kagami to Nino and back. His heart stopped “Oh my god. She’s _in_ on it?”

“As Kagami said, no need to worry.” Nino shrugged. “Lets keep walking.”

They got moving, though Adrien mostly stumbled over his own feet as his mind spun in circles.“ _How?”_

“It was surprisingly easy actually.” Nino shrugged. The walkway was too narrow for them to walk next to each other, but he glanced back at Adrien. “We’d already made some plans, and then Alya just asked her after that attack two weeks ago.”

“I didn’t expect it to work either,” Kagami added “But Alya says she was very supportive.”

“Jumped right on, if you can believe her. Can you imagine?”

No, actually Adrien couldn’t. Why on _earth_ would Ladybug of all people be willing to let this slide. “She even offered to talk to Chat for us, which was a relief. Dude’s hard to catch. Guess she didn’t expect that drop in activity either. Maybe Hawkmoth is getting old.” Nino sounded almost hopeful.

“Well, as he hasn’t shown up to bust us off the roof yet and they patrol twice a week, I’m sure she has told him by now.”

Adrien felt another stab of bad conscious at Kagami’s words. Right. He should – he should not be condoning this. But if Ladybug was okay with it… Why was Ladybug okay with it?

And why –

“Ladder six windows ahead,” Max instructed, pulling him out of his thoughts, “back up you go. Three more roofs and you’re there.”

Adrien’s stomach fluttered in excitement. Almost there. Wherever _there_ was.

His feet sped up on their own accord and he shot forward, counting the windows. Three. Four. Almost there.

“Above you,” Max said and Adrien looked up to see a small bundle dangling above him, “pull the rope.”

He had to jump two times before he caught it, but finally Adrien’s fingers wrapped around the rough rope and he pulled. Instantly, the bundle unravelled into a rope ladder, dangling from the edge of the roof above to right in front of his knees.

Adrien grinned. He was up in an instance, he didn’t have that climbing wall for nothing after all.

“Dude wait up,” Nino’s voice sounded from below just when Adrien straightened and had a look around. He stilled in disbelief.

“Wait, guys, are we heading to our school?”

There was no doubting it. They were only a few buildings away, he could see glimpses of the school’s roof across the street already.

Kagami pulled herself up behind him. “Close, but not quite.”

She knelt down to take the backpack from Nino who followed closely.

“You’ll see, man,” he winked as he and Kagami untied the ladder and bundled it up again. Tugging it under his arm, Nino patted Adrien’s back, “you’ll see.”

They made it across the last few roofs without any trouble, only marginally slowed down by the rows of chimneys separating them. Adrien knew his father would probably have a heart attack if he saw him scaling any of these walls, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. Not that pére wouldn’t be fuming anyway, if he found out that Adrien was in fact, not being kidnapped by this week's Akuma.

Well, what he didn’t know wouldn’t hut him.

“We’re here,” Nino cheered.Tthey’d reached the third and last row of chimneys. This one was lowered on one side, saving them from yet another climb. Nino hurried to wrap the rope ladder around one of the chimneys, leaning back to pull and make sure it was secure. “After you, sunshine.”

Adrien grabbed the ladder, squeezing past the chimneys and lowering himself down. Sooner than expected, his feet hit solid ground. He turned and found himself on a balcony, a strangely _familiar_ balcony crammed to the brim with potted plants and a small striped canvas chair. Of course, how had he not seen it earlier?

“We’re at Marinette’s!” he whispered, his heart giving a quick drumroll in his chest.

“So you have finally caught up,” Kagami said from above, eyes fixed on the rope ladder as she descended towards him. Adrien was just about to respond when he heard a soft click coming from next to his feet.

And then the skylight below swung open.

**Author's Note:**

> And yet again, I end a story on a cliffhanger... I have many, many ideas how I want to continue this, but as this fic is already way bigger than I'd planned and I'm late already I've decided to place a cut here.  
> There probably will be a part two, but I don't know when it'll be done so I'm not tagging the characters yet. (I need to catch up on my other projects first haha)


End file.
